I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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