I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
