gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
