can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
