You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
