JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
