you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
