I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
