My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
