I didn't shave. On purpose
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
