i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
