My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up under a house in Key West
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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