i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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