so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
