i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
