youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
