In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
