i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i drank out of a bidet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
