and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
