So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
