Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
