Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
