I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
