i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
