best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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