Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
