drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
