I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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