if you like me you must not know who I am
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
