I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
