do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
