Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
