My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
