I wish my penis had an off switch
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
