I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
