I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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