I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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