when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
