Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
