i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
