It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
