WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
