i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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