well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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