Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
