So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
