Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
