i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
