Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
