Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
