it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
