i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
