i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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