you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
