I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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